Nov 21, 2009 - Early Thanksgiving

It being Saturday, Julie came by this morning after breakfast so we took a short drive north up highway 101 to Healdsburg. A friend who is local to the Santa Rosa area and is staying at the center recommended many great spots along this short route to explore, and one of those destinations was a raw/vegan restaurant called 'Cafe Gratitude'. Many people had eaten there and said it was really good and gave us the same recommendation.

From the outside it looked like a nice earth-friendly type cafeteria, with it's absence of in-your- face signage and the use of subtle, warm colors in the painted wall displays.
So we walked in and sure enough it was just that. Never run from earth-muffin ambience, my friends - it can have a calming effect on the soul and puts the mind in a better mood, if you are willing to set aside the stiffness of structured life and drink it in just a little bit. This place is laid back, but not in a gonja-loving reggae style at all and we couldn't really smell the incense in the back of the store.

We walked to the counter and were handed a couple of menus and asked if we'd like to hear the question of day.

"Sure!". Hey, I like trivia.

Then the question, "Who do you most appreciate today?".

No brainer, but not trivial. Julie has supported me and prayed for me and asked others to pray for me through my toughest days here and still does pray for my complete healing. The appreciation I have for her is beyond words. I am thankful for everyone who has prayed for me - and mom sending me something nearly every day, the many emails, friends calling and lifting my spirits - but I was only asked for one person, and she's gone through it all with me, even fasting with me for a time, and kept our home together.

After we had chosen our lunch items, we were politely asked to order the item not by what it was, but by what it was called on the menu.
Every name was a self-affirming label, with names like "I am Grateful" or "I am Blessed" or "I am energized" or "I am Barney Fife". Kidding - I just made that last one up. Don't try to order that...

But every name was very affirming and that's how you ordered just about everything. When you hear yourself say these things out loud, you start to feel better, though it's sounds funny at first. Just think - if every word that we uttered was carefully ordered before we opened our mouths to be affirming to the hearer, even when it is ourselves, how much better our relationships - especially during the tough times.

So it might sound like there's a bit of a nirvanian, impossible hope wafting in the air. Wishful thinking by the founders, maybe? Or a forgotten truth?

Then came the food. Julie ordered a pesto pizza (nothing like what you think) and I ordered the taco salad. I asked for no olive oil on or in anything and our server willingly obliged. Remember, theres no meat or animal products in anything. Nada. These lunch items were as healthy as they come, but I probably got my week's worth of guacolome in the taco salad.
Healthy is one thing. Tasty? Filling? That's always on the mind of the manly meat eater - I completely understand and sympathize. True on all counts, guys.

After eating four days of the best simple foods on the planet at the center, I expected, at first, more of the same. I took a bite of the taco salad. Then I took a bite of the pizza. This is the best way I can describe these items, especially the pizza.

Remember the movie Rattatouie where, towards the end of the movie, the hardened soul was melted forever through the pure sensory experience of this forgotten favorite as the loving memories of his childhood came flooding back? It was like this for me.

I don't have childhood memories attached to either of these two dishes, but when I took those first two bites, I felt just like that guy! I have never, ever eaten anything on my plate that brought out any emotional response except, "That was good. Am I full yet?". This quite different.

This is the only eating experience I have ever had in my life - and I jest not - call me a girlie-man, I don't care - that brought tears to my eyes without hot sauce or chili peppers.
It was just that wonderful. It overwhelmed me. I'll do my best with my limited vocabulary to describe the sensations.

I was not really all that hungry when I got there, but no sooner had I begun my first bite and started processing these foods, the flavors in the food began unlocking a dozen taste sensations in the mouth all at once, each sensation having the 'soul' purpose of subtly, yet powerfully enticing each taste receptor in the mouth, no single sensation having advantage over another, all delivered and expressed in perfect harmony to the pure delight of the palate. I really know nothing about food except out to eat it and throw a few simple things together, but it was the finest eating experience I've ever had in my life. Allow me to explain why before you think I'm just some self-indulgent, epicurian cutthroat culinary critic just living from one gastric distress to another searching for the non-existent perfect meal. I saw more.

Put yourself here for a moment. Remember when this happened? Perhaps in prayer, a walk in the woods. I bet it wasn't while you were eating lunch, but think back....

This was the kind of meal where you actually wanted to chew the same bite forever, each bite prompting a deliberate pause - thoughts begin to slow way down. On that first bite, a signal is given to halt every errant thought, grind the clock speed to a crawl and provide an opportunity for Eternity to settle in for as long as He wants. The outside looks no different, but on the inside, time takes a nap and all inner senses become peaceful, centered and fully awakened. The desire to rush even a second is gone and your full and undivided attention turns not to the next bite, though you keep eating, but to the one who sits next to you - and then the real magic happens.

Ok take yourself out and put me back....

Julie, in perfect time, unbeknowest to her, reaches for some oversized cards on the table, which carry on them simple questions that you could ask each other. Simple questions, like "What are you thankful for?" and "Name five things you love about the other person?".

Normally, this is just fun stuff, but at this moment, these answers require no thought but instead just pour out from my secret places and I willingly lay them down in front of her just as they are. No effort, no insecurities, no walls. I'm not even going to tell you what I said, partly because I don't remember and partly because the things that come from this place in the heart are, by design, meant for the hearer only. Sorry.

So can food really have this effect? No, not on its' own. It is excellent food, but food it is. But I was allowed to rediscover an old word today - Gratitude. It is not a word to describe the impatient moment spent in the ten second mandatory prayer that Uncle Ben fires up to heaven from his bowl of instant rice on Thanksgiving day. Gratitude is an eternal state - it is in the moment and stays in every moment for as long as we decide to live in it and until we decide to walk away from it. It welcomes all. It is a gift of God.

When in us a Seed is planted to make us aware that we have a God who loves us and has always loved us and will always love us regardless of whether we are asleep or awake, whether we feel like loving Him back or not, and even when we honestly admit we don't know Him, we also begin to understand that He has shown us and will continue to show us how much He loves us and won't stop inviting us into His rest until the very last moment. This is the beginning of the understanding of this eternal gratitude. It never ends, because He never stops. We start to see that all blessings from every source are a gift of God. We start to come into His rest.

And in His perfect timing, He sometimes gives us a glimpse into this reality, and slows us down long enough to take a deep breath and take inventory. If we hold on to that glimpse, as our eyes begin to see the extraordinary in the ordinary, even during our most mundane days when we just feel like there's nothing new under the sun, we can sit back and see the blessings of God unfold more clearly and more often, all around us. And this brings us to that special holiday in November with a new Thanksgiving feast not found on the table, which lasts until the next meal, but in the thankful heart, which has no end.